


Perks

by GreenBird



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Bird Bits, Cloaca, Disabled Character, Filthy, First Time, Frottage, Furry, I'm Sorry, Interspecies, Link (Legend of Zelda) Uses Sign Language, M/M, Mute Link (Legend of Zelda), Non-Human Genitalia, Penetration, Rivals, Why Did I Write This?, just disgusting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 19:56:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20644799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenBird/pseuds/GreenBird
Summary: “Is that why the Princess left you with me? Was she trying to sweeten the deal?”Revali ends up with an inconvenient guest in his nest, who is inconveniently unashamed to flash his assets, and the rito begins to wonder what kind of perks saying yes to Zelda’s proposal entails.In other words, filthy smut.





	Perks

**Author's Note:**

> I feel so filthy for writing this but honestly, fuck Revali. What a cocky cock.

  
  


When Revali says yes to the Princess’s proposal of making him a Champion, snow falling in a flurry around them, he expects that to be it. He’d left her in suspense long enough that he was certain she would accept his answer and be on her way, her perfect little knight tailing behind.

Except, of course, it doesn’t go that way.

Zelda is a politician, and he really should have known better. After his jibe towards her knight, she had simply smiled at him in that pretty, practiced way of hers, and suggested that maybe her knight could learn from a true master of archery. Any skills gained would aid in the defeat of their enemy. She played right to his pride and new position, and knew very well it was not the Rito way to refuse.

She really could be quite clever, that girl.

Which is why he finds himself now instructing a silent, unimpressed knight how to shoot arrows in mid-glide.

“With Rito it’s about relying on your secondary feathers to hold you aloft while your primaries deal with the bow- you Hylians have it considerably easier, what with a glider on your backs.” Revali is mid-air, off the end of the platform, wings moving in strong, slow sweeps. “This means, however, that one must sight, align, nock and aim all before bringing up the bow.”

Link nods, gaze already tracking across the cavern, taking note of all the target’s positions. Revali’s not stupid: he knows the knight can shoot- but midair archery is different than horseback or stationary, and he’s a bit excited to see Zelda’s chosen one struggle.

“Shall we try?”

The knight nods briefly and adjusts his glider on his shoulders. It's a ridiculous thing, but the useless Hylians have to make due with fancy falling, instead of actual flight. Link moves to the edge of the platform, bow at the ready. He's not evaluating the air currents correctly; Revali can tell this will be a failure, but he really is looking forward to it. 

The jump is good, but that's about all that is successful. One arrow hits its mark before the knight is plummeting quickly, spinning in tight, nauseating circles: one side of his glider caught in a particularly tricky updraft. A noise of alarm escapes the knight- the first noise Revali has ever heard from him, as he falls. Revali may be far too amused at the knight’s failure, but he isn't cruel. It's easy enough to slow the knight’s fall and make sure he isn't injured at the bottom of the cavern. He does land him in ice cold water, but then again, he isn't a saint, either.

The rito cannot contain his laughter at the glare shot his way as he floats above the now drenched Hylian. “Your heavy armor may be good for a sword fight,” Revali says, voice shaking in mirth, “but it’s like asking a rock to fly.”

The knight looks down to himself and sighs, nodding. Revali did not honestly expect him to agree so readily. The Hylian shrugs and points up to the top of the crevice, eyebrow raised in question.

“Yes, okay, fine.” 

Flying up with a wet, armored young man in his claws is quite the task, but Revali makes sure to hide the effort it takes him. He settles them both on the platform again.

“Well, now that we've had that fun mishap, I suppose you'll be on your way?”

Link barks a small, disbelieving laugh and begins to unbuckle his chest plate. The armor comes off in complex, hulking pieces, each ungainly bit clattering to the flight platform. Under it he’s wearing a padded thermal tunic, also heavy with water. Link struggles out of it, and it hits the deck with a disgusting slop of wet wool. Once free from it, Link is in nothing but another, thinner blue tunic and leggings, both quite wet. In the winter wind, it is a lethal combination. Revali watches, astonished, as the knight straps the glider onto his shoulders again.

“Are you sure about that?” Revali asks, a bit horrified at the prospect of having the “champion” of Hyrule freeze on his watch. “The Princess will have my head if you die here with me.”

Link flaps his hand at the Rito dismissively, and moves to the end of the platform, bow in hand. His eyes dart around the range, marking his targets before he jumps, and nocks his arrows. 

This jump is better; the distance and velocity different. Revali watches in surprise as the knight falls, gliding in a wide sweep around the range. Targets burst behind him, bright explosions as the Hylian zips past. Revali follows, watching as only one target is missed out of five. It's begrudgingly impressive.

Link’s landing is much better, and only in the slightest bit of water. Revali grabs the glider without comment, carrying the now much lighter load to the platform above.

He touches down and turns to his nest, trying his best to be dismissive. “It's an acceptable attempt. I'm sure the Princess will be satiated.” Revali is not willing to look at the knight, knowing that the Hylian is most certainly smirking at him. It’s much more than an acceptable attempt- it was extraordinary. Cocky, featherless fuck. “Now, let's get you out of the chill; I'm not flying your frozen corpse back to her.”

Link snorts and follows, not yet wracked in shivers. Revali knows he will be: Hylians have no natural way to keep themselves warm, and he’s wet on top of that. The rito grumbles to himself as he tosses a few planks in his fire ring. He’ll have to allow the Hylian a moment to warm up. After he’s out of danger, he can ride the horse they stabled under his stairwell back to town.

There is the awful, cacophonous sound of Link dropping his armor inside of the nest as the Hylian gets inside. He immediately closes in on the fire, leaning close. A shiver begins to shake the knight’s hands. 

“I guess I’ll make tea so you don’t die,” Revali grouses, snatching his kettle and scooping fresh snow into it. “You Hylians are so soft and naked all the time. I don’t understand how you live. Even the Goron have armored skin.”

Link ignores him, as is usual, rubbing at his arms and legs and turning in front of the fire like he was a cooking kebab. He looks ridiculous, and Revali nearly says so as he sets the kettle to boil. 

The shortness of the day has the light fading early, and Revali doesn’t like the encroaching dimness. 

“Hurry up and dry so I can kick you out of here.”

Finally, Link answers him.  _ Too cold,  _ he signs, barely bothering to look up. _ I'll stay here. _

Revali’s squawk of disdain is not a charming sound. “What do you mean, you'll stay here? I didn't say you could stay here!”

Link stares up at him blandly, unphased by his outburst. His signing is stuttered with his shivering, but he’s still discernible.  _ Then I will die,  _ he says, nonchalant _ . I am too wet to travel. The princess will not be happy. _

Revali flushes under his feathers, annoyed. Who does this little shit think he is to invite himself in for the night?

_ Are the Rito not hospitable? _

Revali fights the urge to stomp his foot in anger. Of course the Rito are hospitable: it is an important part of their culture. It’s simply Revali who is not hospitable: thus his requesting a custom nest built at a flight range a mile from the rest of his village.

However, the infuriating hylian is right: if he died in the snow, and it would be Revali’s fault. He did allow the knight to plummet into ice cold water for his own, morbid entertainment. He supposed this is the Goddess’s way of punishing him.

With a frustrated huff, the rito goes to unfurl the wood shutters at the top of his nest. He rarely needs the things, being warm enough with just a fire, but the Hylian will not be able to handle the nighttime winds. The shutters clatter down the sides, closing off the entire nest with plank walls. 

“If you're going to be a freeloader, at least deal with the tea,” Revali sneers, working at tying the shutters down so they didn't rattle obnoxiously. With a fire going and the nest enclosed, the ridiculous Hylian should be able to stay alive.

The kettle goes off and Revali hears the knight sorting out some cups and making the tea. With the last shutter tied off, the nest feels much warmer. Revali wonders if he’ll end up overheating, and shucks off what little outerwear he had on. 

“Is your horse going to die in the cold?”

A bubble of laughter comes from Link, who is nearly in mid-sip of his tea. Revali is disappointed he didn't snort it up his nose.  _ No,  _ the knight signs,  _ she’s out of the wind and well dressed. She will be be fine. _

At least there's that _ .  _ The last thing he wants to deal with in the morning is a frozen horse. 

Revali sighs and plucks up his tea, not bothering with a ‘thank you’. He doesn't need to thank someone who is freeloading in his home for the night. The rito tries not to look sullen as he settles down into an oversized pillow he has propped against a post. He had planned to read up on the stories of the beast he will be expected to pilot tonight, but he doubts he’ll be able to now. He is a creature of solitude, and right now that solitude is very much invaded.

Revali glares over the rim of his cup at the knight. How is it this short, scrawny thing is the one to wield the legendary sword? He knows the young man is not weak, but he certainly is nothing like Revali expected. He's barely an adult. He'd heard about the exploits and achievements of the Princess’s bodyguard, but the stories hardly match the figure.

Link dutifully ignores Revali’s glaring; drinking his tea in fast, greedy gulps and setting the cup back on its shelf. He then, without any warning, begins to strip off his clothing.

Revali is not proud of the noise he makes; it’s a bit embarrassing to squawk like he’s just had a tail feather pulled out, but in his defense, it’s alarming.

“What are you doing!?” He sputters, scandalized. Nothing is going the way he expected today. 

_ I’m wet.  _ Link signs, rolling his eyes at Revali. He’s shirtless now, holding the tunic out as evidence.  _ These need to dry. _

Well, yes, of course they need to dry. That’s the whole reason he’s even allowing the knight to stay here. “They can dry on your body! You're going to just get naked?”

Link shucks off his pants with the same nonchalance, and Revali blinks and turns his gaze away. He’s never seen a naked Hylian before, and he certainly never cared to.

Link snaps his fingers at him, forcing the rito’s eyes back. 

_ Does my body offend you?  _ He signs, gesturing to his quite naked self.

Does it? Revali really can't tell. He quashes his initial embarrassment: it won’t do to look like a prudish ass in front of Hyrule’s “champion”. 

The champion who now stands naked and unconcerned in the middle of his nest. There’s so much skin of display- flushed pink from chill and without much hair for additional covering. It’s bizarre looking to the rito, like Link has been plucked. There are a few similarities in the anatomy of their kinds. Link’s chest has similar muscles and his hips have a familiar shape. He's not quite as broad in the shoulder, but he's much longer in the legs. The lack of feathers is unsettling, but Revali has always been a little alarmed by that. The strangest things, he supposes, are the flat, short-toed feet and the very unusual genitalia. 

“It’s just that you Hylians are so weird looking…” he mutters, dipping back into his tea. Now that he’s thought of it, he can't rid himself of the image. Hylian men had parts that hung like a horse’s would, and they looked obscene.

_ What is weird looking? _ Link signs, clearly amused at Revali’s discomfort. The rito can’t help but let his gaze slip from Link’s gesturing hands to what’s dangling between his legs.

The knight huffs a laugh as he understands. One hand goes down and, quite shamelessly, cradles himself.

Revali sputters and flaps his hand at him, annoyed that his embarrassment is entertaining. “Yes those. Those things are weird. They just dangle out there for anyone to injure. You look like some ridiculous animal, swinging them about like that!”

Link’s face is joyfully amused. Revali has never seen him so happy, and it’s a bit upsetting that it’s at the rito’s expense. 

The Hylian moves his hand to grasp the shaft of his bits, flaccid and smooth.  _ Cock _ , he spells out with his other hand. The grip down below slides back to the sack behind, cupping them gently.  _ Balls _ .  _ Consider this your lesson in Hylian anatomy. _

“I know what they’re called, you insufferable mammal!” Revali nearly shouts, his nerves getting the better of him. Link shakes in silent laughter, raising both hands in surrender. “Now stop touching yourself and get dressed!”

Link shrugs.  _ No _ , he quips, hips set in a defiant stance,  _ not putting on wet clothes. You will have to deal with it. _

“If I knew you were this annoying I would have told the princess to leave me alone.” With Zelda around Link was quiet and obedient: a perfect little soldier. Although it is a relief to see he has a personality under all that stoicism, Revali is finding it to be a challenging one. “How is it the other champions like you? 

Link rolls his eyes and stretches.  _ They have good taste _ .

They must be insane to like this annoying elf, Revali thinks. Did he suck up to each of their skill sets? Asked to be taught by their expertise? The rito watches the play of well-defined muscles move on Link’s back as he continues to stretch his sore body and walks casually around the fire. The light plays well off of the swell of his pectorals and the divots in his abdomen. Revali begrudgingly admits he is a fit specimen. Lithe and toned and most likely agile on his feet: a perfect swordsman. A perfect swordsman who is quite clearly showing off his assets.

Revali startles himself with a revelation. “I get it,” he says, his eyes thin in wicked amusement, “I’ve heard so many rumors of you being well-liked, and I can see why: a young, strapping Hylian, endearing himself to all the Champions the princess needs?” He allows the implication to play heavily through his voice.

Link turns to look at him, and his blue eyes are darkened and intense. Revali feels a thrill in his stomach: he’s either correct in his assumption, or insulting the honor of the Princess’s royal guard. Either way, he’s made the hylian mad. It’s alarming how excited it’s making him.

“Is that why the Princess left you with me? Was she trying to sweeten the deal?” He’s saying it to incense Link further: but in the back of his mind, the thought of that being the truth is intense. Link infuriating him, challenging and seducing him. Pleasuring him for the Princess’s favor, as is the knight’s duty.

It shouldn’t be an arousing thought, but it is. Link is staring at him, eyes lidded and posture strangely calm for someone just accused of whoring under his majesty’s command.

Quite suddenly, Link walks towards him, his smaller frame surprisingly imposing with Revali still lounging in his nest of pillows. He can’t help but shift back a little in alarm as the hylian advances.

_ That what you want _ ? Link signs, hands moving in slow sweeping motions. Revali could nearly hear the change in tone as the knight stops before him, now seemingly towering in front of him with the fire bright to his back, casting the Rito in shadow. 

Revali is, for once in his life, at a loss for words. His beak opens and shuts without a sound, and he knows his eyes are wide with surprise, and perhaps, a bit of nervous excitement.

Link’s face is serious when he gestures again.  _ You seem very interested in the idea.  _ The hylian lets a hand fall to a bare hip, and Revali fights not to let his gaze travel inward. 

“I'm not,” he says, ignoring the way his feathers are on end, how he is very much interested in the idea. He shudders as he notices that Link’s cock seems to have grown. Revali feels a rush down his spine and fights a noise of dismay: it’s not the feeling of revulsion he needs it to be.

Link quirks an eyebrow and looks down at where Revali’s knees have fallen open.  _ Unlike you, I know other species’ bodies and displays. _ Revali jolts and snaps his legs shut in horror. He was very clearly soliciting, thighs spread far apart like that.

The knight huffs a small laugh, and sinks down to the floor before Revali, close, but not touching. His hands hover over Revali’s knees, which are forcefully clamped shut.

_ Yes or no? _ Link’s eyes are intense, but patient. They leave room for escape. 

When he can finally speak, it’s barely a mutter. “You’ll really do anything for the princess, won’t you?”

Link rolls his eyes, breaking his stare.  _ Please _ , he signs, hands swaning with disbelief,  _ you’ve been flirting since we met. You’ve flashed your feathers, preened, shown off your prowess… Rito are not hard to read. _

Oh goddess, he had been doing that. He'd been blatantly showy. Flirty. He thought maybe a Hylian wouldn't notice, and it wasn't serious anyways, just an attempt to throw him off. Other rito often got too flustered to be a challenge, but he didn't expect it to be received. He didn’t expect Link to know what he was doing.

The idea of it, though, the idea that the champion of Hyrule was offering, really was appealing. No one would know but them. 

Link’s hands carefully touch his knees, and he watches Revali, gaze dark. Revali realizes he’s waiting for an answer. Do you want it or not?

Revali swallows audibly when he realizes that he really does. He nods once, and that’s all the hylian is waiting for. Agile fingers uncinch his belt, and his pants are stripped from his lower half at a record pace. Revali’s bare legs are then pushed apart, spread obscenely wide. He can’t help the shaky breath he lets out.

With his knees out of the way, Revali can see the state the knight is in. His cock is stiff and much larger than before, flushed and standing at attention. It’s both strange and appealing. Revali doesn’t know what to even do with it.

Link is not as ignorant. He’s stopped speaking, as his hands are now busy, fingertips combing through the softer down between the rito’s legs. Revali struggles to keep a noise in his throat as those fingers brush inward, parting his feathers to reveal his flushed and wet cloaca. Link looks up to smirk at him and runs his thumbs along the edges of his opening. It’s too much, and Revali groans, wing reaching to close on Link’s shoulder. The hylian licks his lips, eyes drifting back to his hole. His thumbs stroke the swollen rim and then spread him open. Revali makes a horrified noise but doesn't try to jerk get away. He’s never felt so exposed in all his life, but it’s strangely arousing. 

Link’s fingers, more firm than a rito’s would be, dip carefully into his hole, forcing another grunt from Revali. He doesn't normally put anything inside himself; Rito fuck by grinding their cloaca together. Every once and a while, someone will get adventurous with a tongue, but even that doesn't feel as solid as what's penetrating him now.

The Hylian is gentle; two fingers exploring inward and the others teasing and rubbing his rim. It's strange, but not horrible. Link’s face is one of rapt concentration, which, if it wasn't focused on Revali’s own hole, would be fairly comedic. Revali is beginning to get used to the intrusion, eased by the slick precum he's producing, when a shocking sensation rips up his spine, forcing a curse out of him.

Link hums appreciatively, and wriggles his fingers against the spot again, sending more tremors through Revali. He heard rumors that rubbing inside against your seminal duct was good, but he'd never bothered to try. Hylian fingers are disturbingly adept at it.

“I should have figured,” he complains, grinding his hips downward to produce the feeling again, “that you'd be good with your fingers.”

The knight laughs and gently begins to slide his fingers in and out of Revali’s hole. It's different, but good, and by the time a third finger slips inside of him, Revali gives up on being quiet. He's never been good at keeping his beak shut, why start now?

“You little perverted mammal…” he sighs, rocking with the movements. “Oh, why is that so good?” The wet, obscene noises from Link’s persistent fingering is beyond embarrassing, but he can't seem to care. He might as well enjoy his gift from the Princess.

The sudden loss of pressure is alarming, but Revali is soothed by the delicious thrill of Link’s slick fingers tracing his rim. The knight is leering up at him from between Revali’s thighs, obviously pleased. He scoots forwards, his own knees bumping up against the rito’s feathered ass. He removes his fingers for a second to speak.

_ So, want to feel what we do? _ His grip falls to his cock, stroking it languidly, spreading Revali’s own wetness on his skin. It sends a jolt of heat through him.

Could he even fit that thing inside his body? With the exception of a few fingers just moments ago, Revali was not one for internal exploration. Link gently rubs the blunt head of his cock over his opening, and he can't help but wonder. It did feel good, and even he isn't cruel enough to demand a completely one-sided experience. He doesn't know what to do with a cock, anyway. He might as well let Link use it to please them both. It’s only courteous. 

At least, that’s what he wants to tell himself when he nods his consent.

Link hums and slides his cockhead into place, gently nudging at Revali’s hole. 

The pressure is different: it’s more firm and less flexible. Link gradually pushes inside, and it forces a groan from Revali’s throat. It’s big, reaches further than those clever fingers, stretches him obscenely. It’s not quite painful, just new.

“What is…” he gasps, feeling Link finally bottom out, stuffing him full, “fuck, I can feel you up into my stomach… it’s so…”

Revali stutters to a stop as he looks up to Link’s face. The knight’s eyes are closed, his mouth lax with pleasure. A thrill rushes up Revali’s spine: he’s causing that. Experimentally, he clenches down on the intrusion. Link makes a noise like he’s been hit, and his eyes fly open to stare at the rito.

Revali preens from the look, and clenches again, nearly groaning as it makes the pressure inside him increase. Link hums in approval as his hips begin to rock, sliding his cock in and out in gentle thrusts. Revali’s thighs twitch at the change in sensation , but it’s still so good. He feels the tip of Link’s cock drag over his duct and he knows he’s getting more slick: Link is nearly fucking the precum out of him.

The Hylian is deep enough to be pressing against his testicles, stimulating them in a way he's never felt before. Link knows it, and further proves his point by pushing the palm of his hand low on Revali’s belly as he fucks him, attacking from both sides.

Revali’s squawk is nearly a wail, and he'd be embarrassed if he was paying enough attention to the noises he’s making. The shock of the new, deep sensations has him rocking his hips in tandem. He can feel his precum gushing out of him, forced out like he's being squeezed. The sound of the wet mess he's causing is filthy, but he loves it.

Too soon, however, the deeper thrusts have Revali wincing from overstimulation, taking an edge of pain with the pleasure, and Link, the damn perfectionist, notices. His strokes become more shallow and his hand lets up, moves down instead to drag his knuckles over Revali’s slick, sensitive rim.

The change makes the head of Link’s cock stroke directly onto Revali’s duct, and the dual sensation inside and out pushes the Rito closer to the edge. He's aware he's started babbling, cooing commentary at his silent partner. 

“You little pervert, you wanted this from the start- you wanted to fuck me.” Revali groans, wings gripping hard to the smaller Hylian’s shoulders. Link smirks and huffs a silent laugh through his labored breathing and it eggs Revali on. 

“This some sort of collection you have going? Oh fuck yes, that's good…” He would normally be embarrassed by the way his legs quiver, bracketed against Link’s sides, but it's too late for that. “The Chosen One is also the princess’s faithful slut?”

The thrust he gets in response is deep and hard, and it punches a squawk out of him. Revali’s too far gone to care, and from the look on Link’s face, he's not the only one. The knight’s eyes are lidded and intense, his cheeks flushed dark and lips bitten. Revali’s doing that for him, and that knowledge has him right on the edge.

“Do you like the way I feel?” He gasps out, clenching down and shuddering hard at the sensation. Link draws a ragged breath, and he moves faster, chasing the feeling. They're both close, and Revali knows it. 

“Fuck,” he curses with a sudden realization, “are you going to cum in me?”

Link’s gaze locks with his and the look on his face is no longer cocky. His bottom lip catches between his teeth as he nods. Revali clenches harder around him, and Link can't seem to stop from fucking deep inside him again. 

The knight’s pubic bone and balls slap Revali’s over-sensitive rim and he's there, tensing and shaking as he orgasms. It rips up his spine and bursts hot in his pelvis and he can feel his cum gushing around Link’s cock. The knight makes a wounded noise and fucks into him even harder, milking Revali for all he has in him as he too begins to slip.

“Yes, fuck, cum in me,” Revali groans, riding the sensation. He shudders in pleasure as Link finally finishes, hips flush to him, grinding deep. Link’s mouth is open and his breathing ragged as his body stills. Deep inside of him, Revali feels Link’s cock jerk and twitch. 

Revali groans in approval, letting his head fall back and eyes drift shut. He revels in the warm, buzzing haze of a good orgasm, sated and tired. Link falls forward with a deep sigh, barely propped up on his arms. His forehead grazes the soft feathers of Revali’s chest. There's simple quiet for a minute: the gentle crackling of the fire, the breathy sound of wind against the shutters, but it retreats as they both come back into themselves. 

Link shifts his hips and Revali groans. There's a deep ache beginning to make itself known inside him, and the more pressing matter of the warm wetness dripping down onto his tail. Rito cum is certainly enough of a mess by itself, but the Hylian had generously donated his own. The resulting mixture was going to leave a nightmare of matting and filth on his plumage.

“You dirty fuck,” Revali complains, not yet bothering to lift his own head. “It's going to take me hours to preen this out.”

Link laughs as he moves away. There comes the sound of rustling and the slosh of water and Revali sits up in time to have a wet rag thrown at him from across the nest.

_ Grouchy, even after all of that? _ Link signs, shaking his head.  _ Aren't you supposed to be nicer now that I made you cum? _

Revali doesn't bother to hide his huff of amusement, and begins diligently wiping away their catastrophe tacked to his tail feathers. Link wets a second cloth for himself, and they bathe in silence. 

The nest is pleasantly warm, now, almost too warm by rito standards, but Revali can’t bother to care. At least the Hylian wouldn’t be able to complain. Link tosses the dirty rag into a basket and makes to pour himself some now lukewarm tea. He is as relaxed as if he owns the place. What an asshole.

Revali tries to shoot him a glare, but Link interrupts it by signing at him.

_ You're only the second one _ . 

The rito blinks, caught off guard. “What?”

_ You’re only the second champion I’ve fucked. _

Revali squawks a laugh in surprise. How was he right about that? He’d just meant to insult the knight, not accuse him. “So you  _ are _ a slut for a cause!” Link rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue. “Was it Urbosa?”

It’s Link’s turn to snicker, waving the guess away.  _ No, that was Zelda. She’s her type. _

Will wonders never cease? What were they teaching up there in the castle? Was seduction a standard part of forming treaties and alliances?

“It’s not Daruna,” Revali reasons. Gorons were asexual and genderless. They had no need for sex of any kind. “That leaves dear Mipha.” Revali’s laughter returns as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Not only a bird fucker, but a fish fucker, too!” Link also fails to not laugh at that. 

“She’s not going to trident me for this, is she?” He is only half kidding. Although he is sure he would win against her in a fight, the Rito do not need a war with the Zora.

_ No _ , Link answers, an amused look on his face,  _ they aren’t monogamous. _

Revali lies back in his pillows, beyond amused. Link walks over, feet creaking against the deck boards. He’s still as naked as a plucked cuckoo.

“You know,” Revali says, feeling suddenly exhausted, “I still don't like this whole Champion thing.”

_ Not surprising _ . 

“And I still don't like you.”

Link grins at him, the ass.  _ Also not surprising. _

“But,” Revali sighs, trying to sound put upon, “I  _ will _ be your ally. And you didn't need to fuck me to make me decide that.”

Link shrugs.  _ Didn’t hurt the cause though, did it? _

Revali sniffs in fake annoyance. “No, I suppose not. At least it warmed you up.” He gives Link a critical look as he snuggles into his cushions, noticing the healthy pink flush has returned to the Hylian’s skin. “Now, get out of my house.”

The knight barks in laughter and flips an obscene gesture at Revali as he steps over the rito’s legs. He flops down next to him, stealing a pillow and settling into it. Within a minute, he’s asleep. Revali grumbles, but allows it.

It was a good trade, after all.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I was going to format all of Link’s sign into ASL grammar, but I figured non-sign folks wouldn’t be able to get it. So, yeah, if you’re an ASL or sign communicator/speaker- sorry for the misrepresentation of the language’s grammar. 
> 
> Also, sorry in general for writing filthy cloaca porn. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.


End file.
